I had this afternoon planned with a sitter and was really looking forward to adult-conversation with a friend, when she changed her schedule (the friend, not the sitter). Needless to say I was disappointed, because who knows how long it will take for us to sync our schedules again.
On the brighter side, I decided to take the boys to the library since (gasp!) we haven't been in 3 months...that's an absentee record for us! Well little Mr-I-have-a-temper-and-my-own-will decided to exert himself as we were leaving, and what do you know, I already had a sitter right there and I was able to say "Oh, no you will not talk to me that way and come have a fun afternoon!" It was a perfect, immediate consequence.
On the even brighter side, it was a GREAT afternoon for me with just one boy in tow. We spent an hour in the library looking at books on bugs, then found some on Star Wars, some on Lego's and finally happened upon the dog and puppy section. I had one happy little boy.
The past couple weeks have been extremely draining on me due to the needs of this child, I won't go into detail, but suffice to say he's been needing consequences faster than I can keep up with him. And that gets old really, really fast. For me, and I'm sure for him. Parenting a child who has invisible disabilities is a test of my faith and my patience. I have to remind myself often that he "can't" doing something.
And I have to question every reaction - - am I discipling him because I am angry?
Am I discipling him because he needs a consequence?
Will he even make a connection between the behavior and the consequence?
Because he's doing the inappropriate again, only minutes after receving the consequence.
So I sigh, and often cry, and I pray, and I start the process all over again, hoping that this, the 39th consequence for the same behavior will this time make the connection, and he will learn without further reprimand.
Trying differently, not harder, is much easier said than done.
So today, it gave me enormous amounts of joy to have him with me, on a good day, just me and him hanging out at the library. We leisurely sauntered downtown: because he has this carefree swagger of his body and arms as if he hasn't a care in the world, as if the whole world loves him, as if everyone he sees is his friend, as if he is the luckiest little guy in the world.
Our schedule: Look at books. Read books. Look at more books.
Then we strolled down to Starbucks, because what is a sunny day in Bend without an iced coffee treat. He slurped up his Chocolate Banana Smoothie with all the loud energy he could muster. Then he wandered out to the street corner and sat on the bench by the statue man.
Of course he can't just sit. Life is an all-out-sensory experience for him. He sat on the statue; he talked to the statue; he kissed the statue; he petted the statue.
He said "let's sit here for twenty-minutes".I let go of any inhibition of sitting on the public street corner in my own town and letting my kid kiss the statue (yes, it's gross!), and I started taking photos of him. And then he said, "you spoil me rotten mom and I like it".
Of course, 2 minutes later he said, I'm done, let's go, and we headed for the next bench. We stopped to drink our icy treats. He smelled the flowers, and kissed them too.
He looked at me intently and said, "you're the best mom in this whole town!" He found a tree to climb.
And another tree to play hide and seek,
a wall to climb,
an electric something or other to open and investigate,
another statue to pet and love,
and of course, who can pass up a bicycle rack...
He said "hi" and waved to every person we passed as if they were his bestest buddy in the whole wide world. He brought a smile to many faces this afternoon.
And I was there to take it all in. Every glorious smile, every laugh, every hand-hold. Every precious memory before I send him off to school next week. So thank you KJ for so politely taking me out of your schedule today...I made the best of it.
